It always seems so great on Social Media when someone travels the world, emigrates and explores new places – I often hear from other people that my life look exactly like that. But the reality is that the process of leaving home is not easy at all and can be very painful. I already went through different phases and feelings that I don’t always get sorted or assigned.
The step away from home is never easy – no matter if you are away for 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. Homesickness, goodbyes and being overwhelmed are feelings that are omnipresent. You might think that you get used to it, but I can exclusively say that this is not the case. On the contrary, it becomes more and more difficult. At first I was on the road, getting to know new places and at some point looking forward to being home again. Then a certain place became my new home, far away from home. Somehow a country, a place or even the culture feels very homey and I felt integrated and arrived. But at the same time I missed my home, where my family and friends are waiting for me. A feeling of guilt and a heavy conscience can quickly dominate. It’s a difficult and touching feeling when you suddenly no longer feel at home in your homeland. The difficulty is in the process, because the feeling develops over a long period of time and it somehow leads into uncertainty.
Right now I don’t know if the feeling will disappear or if it will stay with me for a longer time. Probably the only right way is to accept the feeling and surrender to it, but that is definitely easier said than done.
So, if I fly too far
Will I still have a place inside your heart?
And, when you see what I’ve become
Will you love me for who I am, not who I was?
– Chance Pena